On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
