Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
