Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
