1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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