dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
