so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
