I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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