I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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