Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
