Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
