So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
