I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
