I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
