Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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