U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
