drinking out of a sandbucket again
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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