the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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