I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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