you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
