it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
