Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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