im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
