you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
