TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
