What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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