he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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