i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
