He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
