Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
