So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
