This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
