The maid of honor just puked.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
