The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
birth control should be required to get into college
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
