bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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