its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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