can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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