Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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