what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
