glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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