I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
