she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
