Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
