I'm really into asian looking animals
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
