WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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