I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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