So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
