Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
