piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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