We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
