I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
