so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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