Apparently you make a good broom.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
