20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
