i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I understand Curling. That high.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
