i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
