I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
