Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
