I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
