so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
