I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
