Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
