you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
