I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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