By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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