omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
