Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
