so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
