I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
