I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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