she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
