Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
