You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
