is your mom at the bar?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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