So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
