what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
