Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
